


The Karasuno Host Club

by jasupaa



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Couch Cuddles, Cute, Drinking, Drunk Kenma lmmaooo, Fluff, Host club AU, Kenma's so cute I couldn't help this, M/M, Possible smut, Romance, Sleepy Cuddles, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-13 04:32:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5694874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jasupaa/pseuds/jasupaa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>so yeah LMAO karasuno's a host club now</p><p>they're all like 18+ though not canon age</p><p>each chapter's just gunna be a different host x kenma (tanaka is the bartender bc he kept having sex with every female customer with large breasts & they all got annoyed tbh but dw we meet him too it's ok)</p><p>but i might add smut with like hinaken or another reasonable ship</p><p>& excuse my knowledge of host clubs i did some research but i've never been to one so!!</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Sugawara Koushi

**Author's Note:**

> so yeah LMAO karasuno's a host club now
> 
> they're all like 18+ though not canon age
> 
> each chapter's just gunna be a different host x kenma (tanaka is the bartender bc he kept having sex with every female customer with large breasts & they all got annoyed tbh but dw we meet him too it's ok)
> 
> but i might add smut with like hinaken or another reasonable ship
> 
> & excuse my knowledge of host clubs i did some research but i've never been to one so!!

Kenma took a deep breath as he walked out of his apartment. He'd never been very good with people, so he was only in one or two relationships his whole life. Plus he was gay, and for some reason he could never meet any other boys who liked boys. But, everyone - even Kenma - wanted some romance sometimes. So, he looked up some host clubs that accepted female and male customers. The one he decided on was close - called "Karasuno".

 Pausing outside the door, he attempted to reassure himself that this was  _not_ weird; It was completely  _normal_ ,he knew other people did this too. It was still difficult though, but he wanted to come here, so he walked inside as nonchalantly as possible. He was greeted with a small smile from a dark-haired girl with nice blue eyes, a beauty mark by her lip, and a welcoming voice at the podium-like table in what seemed like a waiting room. Kenma thought she made him feel really comfortable here, he felt so grateful for her in this moment. "Hi, is this your first time coming here?" She asked, keeping her kind smile. There was a small, timid looking blond girl clinging onto her arm. 

 The taller girl nudged the blonde with her elbow gently, and the other spoke sheepishly, "H-hi, welcome to the Karasuno Host Club. We offer a small variety of hosts for you to s-spend your time with.." Although stuttering and nervous, she seemed like she knew exactly what to say. Like she'd practiced this in the mirror a lot before coming here.

 The three of them stood there for a moment awkwardly, before the girl realized she was forgetting something. To Kenma, it looked like she was new and the dark-haired girl was training her. She handed him a laminated paper, which seemed like a menu, over to him. "Here at K-karasuno we price by hour. Two drinks under 10,000 yen are free each hour, one for you and one for your host."

 Kenma stared at the "menu" blankly. All the hosts were.. really  _hot_. He wasn't entirely sure how to pick just one, though he read online even if you pick one, if you stay long enough you'll probably meet them all. Glancing into the main room, he could definitely see that they weren't busy. There were these two boys, dressed in the same suit as the other hosts, but they seemed like they were together instead. The smaller one, with short dark hair and big square glasses, was sitting in the other's lap, who had a hairband with faux blonde hair sticking out of it. They were kissing and holding each other; They weren't on the "menu" either. There was another boy with glasses, tall and lanky with messy short blonde hair. He was with a dark-haired boy who looked a lot more cheerful with him, but they were both sitting with this girl who's whole face was turning a brighter red by the minute.

 He turned back, realizing he'd been staring for a long time, and handed back the menu. "Which host did you decide on?" The first girl asked, still giving him the warm smile that continued to comfort him.

 Pointing to the picture of the host instead of talking didn't seem to bother the girls, so he did, and paid them accordingly. They led him into the main room, with the blonde still clinging to the other tightly, and to a couch that was the perfect mixture of classy and casual. Although, he felt a little under dressed - wearing just an unzipped maroon hoodie, over a grey t-shirt paired with dark wash jeans. Especially when a boy strode over, dressed in a night black casual suit, with cinnamon brown eyes that sparkled against his pastel white skin. The picture on that "menu" did not capture his true beauty  _at all_. Kenma was damn glad he got to appreciate it, and that was exactly what he did.

 "Hi~" His voice was  _gorgeous_ , Kenma hoped he didn't look as flustered as he felt, "Which drink will we be having today?"

 We? Oh, yeah, they both got one. "Actually.. would you mind choosing?" There was a menu - a real one this time - on the table, with some snacks and drinks on it. He just didn't particularly care, so he was alright with anything.

 "Ah, alright!" Sugawara skipped off joyfully, coming back with two glasses filled with a bright red slushie-like drink. 

 Kenma nodded his thanks, sipping at his drink gingerly while the other slid onto the couch beside him. A thin finger reached up to his chin, pulling him to face the more-than-moderately attractive host. "This is your first time here, no?"

 "Mm, yeah." He nodded slowly, feeling the slight burn in the back of his throat as the drink traveled down it. "Hey, Sugawara, does this have alcohol in it?" Kenma asked, pointlessly, because it obviously did. A lot, too.

 "Oh!" The silver-haired boy waved his hand in front of him, "You can call me Koushi, silly~ and, yes it does. Is that a problem? I can go get you one without it if you'd like." He sounded sincerely apologetic, and the other boy could not see at all if he really felt that way, or if it was just part of the play the hosts put on. "This one's my favorite, so I thought I'd choose the best tasting one for such a handsome customer."

 "No, it's alright. I was just curious." Kenma answered, with downcast eyes. He felt his face heat up at the compliment. Most of him was regretting it, because it was really hard to be happy when this person was just here because you gave them money, but it was so exciting because it felt  _so real_ at the same time. 

 They conversed normally for a while, with Sugawara asking simple questions like:  _"Are you a college student?", "Do you live nearby? Where?", "What do you do for a living?"_. They got slightly more personal, like  _"What's your favorite color?", "Where do you like to go out to eat?",_ and then they got really personal. He slipped in little flirts occasionally, bringing back a flustered, red-faced Kenma until he asked another question, and the other faux blonde calmed down for a bit while he answered. It turned into more compliments and flirts as they sat together longer, and Kenma found himself flirting back. He was telling the host how handsome he was, and how he wished he always got to spend time with a boy like him.

 He hadn't even noticed the first time, but when the girl's came over to collect another payment for an hour, he realized he'd been here three hours now. Kenma decided to pay for two more so they wouldn't be interrupted until they were over.  

 The boy also realized, he'd been having another drink each hour. Sugawara had three, the fourth being water - which was probably because they didn't allow them to get anymore than a little buzzed - but Kenma was on his fourth alcoholic one. He didn't drink much in the first place, so his tolerance wasn't measurably high. So, with four fairly-strong drinks, he was more than just a little buzzed. Though his host didn't seem to mind, letting a drunken, clingy Kenma hug him and cuddle up to him. 

 They hadn't talked since the girls came by, he'd been sitting in his host's lap for the entirety of the twenty minutes that passed. Kenma felt the heavy weight on his eyelids, and he was letting them close when he heard the familiar ariose voice pulling at him, "Hey, hey, Kenma, you're a very cute drunk and I bet you look adorable when you sleep too, but wake up for me. I'll miss you if you go to sleep."

 He pushed his eyes open at the fake plea, reaching his arms up around Sugawara's neck, "Kouushi - hic - I like you~"

 The slightly smaller boy listening as the other replied. "I like you too, Kenma." He was so calm, and so cute, Kenma wanted to stay here forever.

 Which, he couldn't of course, but he ended up staying until they closed - even as he sobered up (and got drunk all over again) - and Sugawara was even kind enough to walk him back to his apartment three blocks down. And,  _shit_ , Kenma was definitely coming back here again.

 

 


	2. Nishinoya Yuu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenma was never much of a drinker in the first place, but fruity alcohol slushies and hot guys just… mess you up. Although, none of this changed his mind about going back. He’d decided on the host; the loud brunette with the lightning blonde streak in his gelled up hair. The boy had seen him somewhere between drunk and not-so-drunk, and was interested in his energetic gestures and tenor-like voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been like forever since i posted something  
> i need to some procrastinating like -- i swear, one day i will write more hghgh

He woke up as slowly as possible, rubbing his temples with his index fingers gently. Kenma was never much of a drinker in the first place, but fruity alcohol slushies and hot guys just… mess you up. Although, none of this changed his mind about going back. The split second decision made on the half-drunk walk home with Koushi was still fresh in his mind. Well, he’d have to wait a bit though. It was a lovely evening – from what he actually remembers – but it made a hell of a dent in his wallet. Kenma wasn’t particularly in any of the wealth classes. He was somewhere between middle class and high class. It was still kind of, um, sad for the most part that he was actually putting fifteen percent of his paycheck away just to go see these boys. The blonde sure wasn’t sad about it, and was excited the whole weekend waiting for Monday to come. He’d also decided on the host; the loud brunette with the lightning blonde streak in his gelled up hair. The boy had seen him somewhere between drunk and not-so-drunk, and was interested in his energetic gestures and tenor-like voice.

 None of his excitement was hidden as he walked down the familiar road, holding his filled wallet tightly in his hand. The girls were glad to see him again, greeting him gently and kindly as they did before. “It’s been a while, I’m happy you decided to come visit us again!” The blonde girl with the side-ponytail chirped, less shy than before. Maybe because they’d met before. Maybe the older girl was starting to rub off on her too. Her unusual outgoingness didn’t change his though, but they still didn’t seem to mind letting him point to the picture on the “menu” again.

 While Koushi was tall, sweet, with a quiet angelic voice, Nishinoya was the exact opposite. Dressed in what looked like dress pants in shorts form, with the unbuttoned suit jacket, and a plain white t-shirt underneath, he was nothing close to the other more formally dressed hosts. He was actually shorter than Kenma, and much – _MUCH_ – louder than Kenma as well. Interrupting the quiet greeting Kenma tried to make, the host grabbed his hand and pulled him to the empty bar. Though loud, he had nice manners and pulled out the chair for his paying guest for the hour.

 Kenma tried to give him the best smile he could, but it was definitely small and probably uncomfortable looking, and sat gratefully in the bar stool. His face turned a little red when the smaller boy put his hands on the other’s knees and pushed them together, and flushed fully red as Nishinoya plopped himself in his lap. “Hi! I’m Nishinoya Yuu, but you can just call me Noya.” He informed, leaning his head back on Kenma’s shoulder so they could see each other’s faces and lock eyes.

 The brunette reached up and squished Kenma’s cheeks when he was still missing a reply. “Oh… Hi. My name is Kenma Kozume, but you can just call me Kenma, I guess…” The boy had never really been one to talk a lot, but this little ball of energy sitting in his lap had him at more than a complete loss for words.

 “Taaaaaaanaka!! C'mere, you lazy bartender!” He called out to the tanned boy with the buzz-cut sitting in the inside of the bar, who went from lazily leaning his chin in his palms to running over, grey eyes buzzing with the same look that came from Noya. He looked cheerful like Noya, despite the joking insult.

 “Awww,” Tanaka pouted at the two sitting across from him, “It’s not a hot chick this time either.”

 “Oh!” Noya shook his finger in the air disapprovingly, “but Kenma is still really hot too!!” He leaned back again and yanked at his hair, “He has really pretty hair, it’s soft too,” squished his cheeks again, running his fingers over his lips and jaw, “and look how nice and sharp these are – aren’t they nice, Tanaka? They’re kind of like one of those hot shy girl lips.”

 The boy turned back to Kenma, and whispered loudly, “Don’t worry; Tanaka is just super salty because he’s a bartender now, since none of the girls wanted him as a host.”

 “Oi!” The bartender scrunched his face at the second insult, before they both burst into a short fit of laughter. “Well, I bet this dude would pick me as a host. Wouldn’t you, Kenma?”

 Kenma glanced at Noya, then Tanaka. He wasn’t sure whether he should answer seriously or make a joke, “I wouldn’t pick you even if you were the last host on earth…”

 They both looked at him for a second, warranting a deep feeling of worry, before they started laughing again. “That was a good one!” Noya laughed against him, wrapping an arm around the other’s waist.

 He couldn’t help but laugh a little too, and he realized he was having fun again, and what kind of host Noya was. Well, compared to Koushi. Though he felt guilty for comparing them, Koushi made you feel cared for and interesting, letting you talk about yourself and have fun. While, Noya made jokes and pulled you into them too, letting everyone laugh and have a different kind of fun. The boy could compare them, but never decide which one he liked more.

 “Oh yeah, so what do you want to drink?” Noya asked, finally finished laughing.

 The blonde reached up and scratched his cheek, “I’ll just have whatever you’re having.”

 “Okay!” He turned back to Tanaka and held up two fingers, “The usual, bald-bartender-man.”

 “I’m not a bald superhero! Or bald at all!” He grumbled, but still complying to his request and making their drinks.

He slid the glasses across the bar to them. Kenma picked it up and looked at it, it was a bright red swirling into the clear liquid below it, creating a really pretty ombre topped with a couple cherries. Oh, a Shirley Temple. “Cute…” He whispered to himself before picking up one of the cherries by the stem, split pupils surrounded by a gold iris examining it for some odd reason.

 “You think my drink of choice was cute?” The boy in his lap presented himself again, regaining the other’s attention by leaning up and snatching the cherry with his lips.

 Kenma nodded light, sipping at his drink and smacking his lips together to keep from gagging. “Is this… is this straight vodka with red food coloring…?”

 “Yeah! You thought it was cute, but it’s actually a straight up savage drink. I call it ‘rolling thunder’.” Noya laughed again, leaning against Kenma and letting him feel his chest shake with the laughter. "It's really just funny to screw with people."

 He sighed a bit, but smiled and laughed back. The sips he took were very small, because he really didn’t want to get smashed again throw up or something on this cute-looking boy, but it still hit them both pretty quickly. So, here he was again: buzzed on a Monday at six in the evening with an attractive paid company. Kenma was glad he’d saved up the money, because a drunken Noya kept tugging at him and telling him he should stay longer. And, Kenma was definitely not wanting to deny him.

 Especially when the smaller boy turned around to straddle him, wrapping his legs around Kenma’s waist tightly as he leaned up to kiss his jaw. Honestly Kenma couldn’t remember for the life of him if this was allowed, but he was pretty sure the hosts weren’t allowed to get shit-faced anyway, so he figured the host wasn’t the type to follow all the rules diligently. Considering Kenma'd only drank maybe one fourth of the glass, Noya had drank more than half of his. Also, apparently the bartender was pretty drunk himself.

 Noya seemed to be a clingy drunk (much like Kenma himself), not letting his hands leave Kenma's body for even a mere second. Literally, not at all. Not even when the alcohol started hitting Kenma's bladder, Noya just climbed onto his back so they wouldn't have to be apart while he peed. Which was way more than an embarrassing affair. It wasn't easy at all to try and go pee when you're holding a cute boy on your back. Especially when he kept trying to _touch_ you, god, isn’t that some kind of kink?

 He managed to - for the sake of not breaking any rules - keep the host away from his lower area and get back to the small bar stool they had to share.

 Noya squeezed himself inbetween the blonde’s legs, facing him of course. They both let their drunken neediness take over, disregarding the occasional jokes the bartender would crack about them. They completely ignored him, just paying attention to each other and their drinks as they hugged and had their own little makeout session.

 “Ey Noya, you know, if you’re gunna get all ‘mmphmmmph’ with the customer, you should just take him home.” Tanaka commented, still grinning and half-laughing at them.

 The host turned back and huffed at him, “Well it’s not my fault his face looks like this!”

 Kenma went to question what he meant by that, but Noya just turned back to him to press their lips together yet again, and all they did was kiss and cuddle into each other until closing. Which, they wouldn’t have noticed if it wasn’t for Tanaka flicking both of their foreheads.

 “You’re coming back again, right?” Noya asked as Kenma stumbled through the doorway.

 “Mhmm.” Kenma nodded, the alcohol in him letting him reply with a fairly big smile.

 “Heh, nice.” Noya smiled back at him - how the hell did he sound so sober, anyway? - “Next time you should come see Asahi, he’s a real cutie too.”

**Author's Note:**

> i feel like these ships should be gross but like um?? sugaken was really cute this way to me i wanna write so much more now omg gross


End file.
